Rainbow documentary part 2-birth stories!
My goal of this documentary is to help spread awareness of the 1 in 4 women/families who suffer a infant loss. No matter what part of pregnancy whether early on, late term or at the very end of the pregnancy a loss is still a loss and it is in no way anyone's fault. This is a continuation of the first part (post link back to part 1) and includes the birth stories of the 7 women I worked with back in May as well as more about my story.
MY STORY CONT:
September 10, 2016 was supposed to be one of the greatest days of my life. I had dropped off my younger 2 girls at a friend’s house and headed out to my doctor’s appointment for my 20 week ultrasound. I had a gender reveal photoshoot planned that afternoon as this pregnancy would be the tiebreaker in our family. We were even at 2 boys and 2 girls and hadn’t even expected to get pregnant again. I had been a little uneasy since 17 weeks along when the heartbeat had been a little low compared to my others but my midwife assured me everything was fine so I had just pushed it aside. We arrived at the ultrasound and after waiting a while were finally called back. Sitting on a full bladder and having them run late definitely did not add to my mood that day... we got all set up on the table and the technician began her exam. The first thing they look for is the heartbeat. She looked and looked and we couldn’t see the baby moving and I could just feel something was wrong. She didn’t say anything but said she needed to check with the doctor about something and would be right back. I knew right then that my little baby would not make it earth side alive. My husband said the color drained from my face. The one thing I had feared the most was coming true. The technician came back and said that there were no doctors available so I needed to go to labor and delivery to confirm her theory, but wouldn’t give us any more detail than that. We called the babysitter to give her an update and headed to the hospital. We got there and had to go through the whole check-in process and explain what we had been told. We waited patiently for another ultrasound tech to come in and confirm our worst fears. Our little boy had passed away around 17 to 18 weeks and they had no idea why. Since I was so far along, I would need to come back to labor and delivery and be induced and have the baby as if he were full term. 3 days later I returned to the hospital and went through the labor process and eventually delivered my little boy. We were able to measure him and hold him before they took him away. Johnathan was so tiny and had his hands folded so peacefully.
We returned home and began the recovery process as well as telling our older kids that their little brother had passed away. We were all devastated. Hubby was leaving on deployment in a couple of months so once I had healed we discussed having another one. We began trying again right before he left and I surprised him with our rainbow pregnancy over Valentine’s Day while he was in port in South Korea. I was almost 8 months pregnant when he returned home and there was a good chance that he would not be home for delivery due to a training mission he was required to go on. We hired a doula for extra support and did our best to prepare. During the pregnancy, there were several ups and downs including a time around 11 weeks when I started bleeding. I was scared to death but after having a friend who was also a nurse come over and confirm a heartbeat I was able to calm down. The rest of the pregnancy was fairly easy considering that it was my 6th pregnancy and my 3rd in less than 2 years. My youngest was just barely a year at the time.
When I went into labor it was fairly quick. He was due in September but decided to come at the end of august instead. Hubby had just left for fallen Nevada 2 days previous. I went into the hospital with contractions but they couldn’t pick them up on the sensor so they made me walk the halls. After 45 minutes of walking with my doula, I asked them to check me again and even though they couldn’t find any contractions still I had increased dilation quite a bit. They finally got me back to a room and we had just enough time to get hubby set up on Skype and the doctor to walk in before he decided to make his grand entrance. Joseph Michael was born around 6 am on August 30th and has brought so much joy and peace to our family but we will never forget our Jonathan who never made it earth side but watches over us from heaven.
In May, I did the first part of the documentary talking about 7 women, their losses, and their pregnancy with their rainbow babies. Since then all 7 have had their babies and they returned for a second session with all the babies together. These are the stories of how the rest of their pregnancies went.
JASMIN-
Jasmin and Christopher welcomed their son Lorenzo Josiah Fontanez at Kennestone hospital during a scheduled c section on July 10, 2019; he was born at 12:42 pm weighing in at 5lbs 10oz and 18.5 inches long. Jasmin’s lifelong friend Olivia was there during the birth for support.
She tells about her last few weeks of pregnancy like this “The last few weeks of pregnancy were a bit scary for me. When I went for my 36 week checkup they couldn’t feel his head being down so they gave me a sonogram and he was breeched. But he also was measuring three weeks behind in growth. They wanted to take him out then but I wasn’t allowing it. So I had weekly visits with a perinatal specialist. After two weeks he gained a pound and they told me if I kept waiting that it could cause problems. He was a good weight at that point and wouldn’t have to go to the NICU and I was at full term so I agreed. They set it for the next day. I was so nervous and excited. It was hard not eating for almost 24 hours but it was all worth it in the end. The delivery was great. All my nurses and doctors were angels. I couldn’t have had a better delivery even though it was a cesarean. It was quick. The only part that wasn’t fun was trying to get an IV in my arm; they blew three of my veins. That hurt worse than recovery or anything else, but overall it was great. My son was fine and healthy. I couldn’t be happier.”
She tells about her last few weeks of pregnancy like this “The last few weeks of pregnancy were a bit scary for me. When I went for my 36 week checkup they couldn’t feel his head being down so they gave me a sonogram and he was breeched. But he also was measuring three weeks behind in growth. They wanted to take him out then but I wasn’t allowing it. So I had weekly visits with a perinatal specialist. After two weeks he gained a pound and they told me if I kept waiting that it could cause problems. He was a good weight at that point and wouldn’t have to go to the NICU and I was at full term so I agreed. They set it for the next day. I was so nervous and excited. It was hard not eating for almost 24 hours but it was all worth it in the end. The delivery was great. All my nurses and doctors were angels. I couldn’t have had a better delivery even though it was a cesarean. It was quick. The only part that wasn’t fun was trying to get an IV in my arm; they blew three of my veins. That hurt worse than recovery or anything else, but overall it was great. My son was fine and healthy. I couldn’t be happier.”
Currently, Lorenzo is 2 months old and is weighing in at 8 lbs and 21 inches long. She says the surgery only lasted about an hour and she as nervous but very excited to meet her little man. She says that her anxiety got really high the night before her c section that she didn’t sleep at all. The morning of the surgery went by really slow for her and it didn’t really hit her until they took her to pre-op and she said she knew it was go time and started getting butterflies.
Jasmin chose the name Lorenzo because of the way it flowed and she had always loved the name, she thinks her angel baby was also a little boy and if he had made it than he would have been named Lorenzo as that is what she planned on naming a boy. Jasmin wanted a regular hospital birth but it didn’t go the way she planned. She hopes to have one in the future and has even considered doing a home birth with future children but wanted to play it safe for this one. She says she wouldn’t change anything about the birth because it went so smoothly. She says the hardest part of her delivery was the recovery afterward. She didn’t really experience any pain, just soreness from the c section and laughing was the worst part.
When asked how she would prepare herself if she could go back and give herself advice she said, “I was pretty much prepared when it came down to giving birth. The advice for the weeks and months following would be don’t be afraid to ask for help, it’s okay to feel like you’re not perfect and don’t forget to take care of yourself.
Her favorite memory was the first moment she saw her son, her first thought was “I made him so perfectly.” She says this memory is as important to her as when her mother and brother came from New York to meet the baby. Lorenzo is the first grand baby. The first thing she noticed about him was that he had beautiful brown eyes, daddy’s nose, a full head of hair and chubby little cheeks.
When asked how he has helped you get through your storm, she said “He is my motivation every moment of every day. He makes me as happy as I can be. He is my biggest blessing. He filled my heart with joy and hope.”
Her favorite things about her rainbow baby are the dimples on both sides of his face. He makes a lot of cute faces, he smiles all the time and is a calm and relaxed baby. She says he likes to pee at her during diaper changes and loves to immediately go poop after a diaper change. He loves to eat and take baths, he will sleep 3-4 hour stretches and loves to be in the swing and stare at the fan.
Her advice to other moms is that although it is nerve wracking from the beginning, once you meet your rainbow baby it’s a whole new feeling of hope and happiness. It is definitely the rainbow at the end of a storm, a beautiful one. Specifically I would say to “just stay positive and know that you are not alone.”
COMFORT-
Comfort and Diamond Orabiyi welcomed their rainbow baby girl Heavenly Orabiyi on July 12, 2019. She was 7lbs 9 oz. Comfort was by herself at the time of birth, but her husband arrived soon after the birth to meet their daughter. Heavenly is now 2 months old and weighs about 12 lbs. she was ready for baby to come. She had her baby shower at 38 weeks and went into labor soon after that. She ended up with a C-section due to her body not progressing and her fluid being low which caused some anxiety along with being by her at the hospital. She had gone to the doctor for a routine checkup and was told to go to the hospital due to low amniotic fluid.
They named their daughter Heavenly because she was a blessing from above. Comfort would tell herself to get everything done on time and not wait until the last minute of the pregnancy because you never know when baby will come. She says that prayer was the biggest thing that helped her through her loss, rainbow pregnancy and the anxiety around the birth.
They named their daughter Heavenly because she was a blessing from above. Comfort would tell herself to get everything done on time and not wait until the last minute of the pregnancy because you never know when baby will come. She says that prayer was the biggest thing that helped her through her loss, rainbow pregnancy and the anxiety around the birth.
Her favorite memory was kissing her baby for the first time. Her first thought was “thank god she’s crying. Her partner first thought was “wow she has my legs,” the first thing Comfort noticed was the full head of hair and juicy lips. She said that the baby has helped put her mind at rest regarding her loss. The one thing that makes her laugh is when Heavenly pokes out her lips when she is about to cry.BREANNA-
Breanna and Benjamin Rowell welcomed Joslynn Renee Rowell through induction at the hospital. She was born at 9:07 pm on July 15th weighing in at 7lbs 8 oz and 19.75 inches long. Her husband was there as support through the whole labor and delivery.
She describes the weeks, days and hours leading up to the birth like this “The last few weeks of my pregnancy were LONG. I didn’t think it was ever going to end. I was so eager to meet our little rainbow. I chose to be induced at 39 weeks, as my doctor recommended it because she was measuring 2 weeks ahead. I went in to be induced at 9 pm on July 14th. They started Pitocin at 1:20 am and that’s when contractions started but weren’t painful at all. I went into the hospital dilated to a 1 and 50% thinned out. I stayed at a 1 from the time labor was induced, until around 3:30 pm the next day. We were already talking about a C-section due to no progression after having my water broke. I was dilated to a 1 and stayed a steady 1 for 13 solid hours after my water had been broken. Around 3:30-4 pm the nurse checked my cervix again and I was at a 4. At that point my contractions were strong! 30 minutes later I got checked again and was dilated to a 6.5! At this point, I was begging for my epidural but fought it out until I got to just about a 7 until I finally gave in.
After the epidural, my blood pressure dropped which caused her heart rate to start dropping. After finally getting it stabilized, we changed positions I was laying. 2 hours pass by and I wasn’t progressing so they took me off of Pitocin. After I was taken off of Pitocin I started progressing again and within 20 minutes I was at a 9!!! The nurses had me doing practice pushes. While I was pushing, she got stuck because my pelvis wouldn’t open up and my bones wouldn’t move so she could get through the canal. I began to lose oxygen and her heart rate started dropping and stabilizing continuously. At that point, my doctor said that he wasn’t going to allow that to keep happening that he was going ahead and doing a C-section. I got scared, started having panic attack after panic attack and started hyperventilating. I had to be put on oxygen with the levels going full blast. It was scary, but I was scared for no reason. The procedure went by SUPER fast and was worth every second!”Joslynn is now 2 months old and weighs in at 13lbs and around 23 inches long. Breanna said her labor was 19 hrs and 47 minutes long. Breanna was excited and nervous the entire time. She ended up having her water broken at the hospital as part of the induction. They named their daughter Joslynn because growing up she loved the name Joslynn and even named all her baby dolls Joslynn.
She chose a hospital birth because she was skeptical about home births and she was glad she was safe in the hospital with the complications that arose.
The hardest part of labor for her was “having to take in that I was a getting a C-section, even though I had it in the back of my mind that I might have to have one anyway due to family history. When I got told I was going to have a C-section I started having panic attacks due to fear.”
If she could go back in time and give herself any advice she would say, “it’s going to be okay and it will all be worth it in the end.”
Her favorite memory was hearing Joslynn cry for the first time. Breanna’s first thought was that she’s so beautiful. The first thing she noticed was that Joslynn was the spitting image of her dad with mommy’s nose and lips. Her husband Ben said, “She looks just like me.”
The hardest part of labor for her was “having to take in that I was a getting a C-section, even though I had it in the back of my mind that I might have to have one anyway due to family history. When I got told I was going to have a C-section I started having panic attacks due to fear.”
If she could go back in time and give herself any advice she would say, “it’s going to be okay and it will all be worth it in the end.”
Her favorite memory was hearing Joslynn cry for the first time. Breanna’s first thought was that she’s so beautiful. The first thing she noticed was that Joslynn was the spitting image of her dad with mommy’s nose and lips. Her husband Ben said, “She looks just like me.”
If she could go back in time and give herself any advice she would say, “it’s going to be okay and it will all be worth it in the end.”
Her favorite memory was hearing Joslynn cry for the first time. Breanna’s first thought was that she’s so beautiful. The first thing she noticed was that Joslynn was the spitting image of her dad with mommy’s nose and lips. Her husband Ben said, “She looks just like me.”
The hardest part of labor for her was “having to take in that I was a getting a C-section, even though I had it in the back of my mind that I might have to have one anyway due to family history. When I got told I was going to have a C-section I started having panic attacks due to fear.”
If she could go back in time and give herself any advice she would say, “it’s going to be okay and it will all be worth it in the end.”
Her favorite memory was hearing Joslynn cry for the first time. Breanna’s first thought was that she’s so beautiful. The first thing she noticed was that Joslynn was the spitting image of her dad with mommy’s nose and lips. Her husband Ben said, “She looks just like me.”
Her rainbow baby helps her because “now that she is here, I can’t help but love on her all the time. It just gives me reassurance that god knows exactly what he is doing and that everything happens for a reason.” her favorite things about her rainbow are her smile, and that she is a mommy’s girl. “It cracks me up when she is using the bathroom and grunts and passes gas.” she currently loves mommy’s milk, bows, and waking up beside mommy with all smiles.
Her advice to other moms is focused towards breastfeeding moms. “Breastfeeding moms or those who plan to breastfeed! DONT GIVE UP! It’s hard at first, but it does get easier! Pump and store (if possible) save the stored milk for growth spurts and cluster feedings so you won’t be so overwhelmed (which is easy to do) Even on the hard days , you got this mama!”
MEGAN-
Megan and Adam Linville welcomed their son Noah at home on August 20th at 10:46pm. He weighed in at 10 lbs. 11 oz. and was 23 inches long. Her husband, 2 daughters, mother and mother in law all attended the birth. Her Labor lasted almost 30 hours and she was very excited the whole time, almost a euphoric feeling. With her second child, they went to the jumping place before her planned c section so they went to the same place this time. She went into labor later that night with her water breaking. They named him Noah because it was a name she had always liked and her husband had agreed on it.
Her advice to other moms is focused towards breastfeeding moms. “Breastfeeding moms or those who plan to breastfeed! DONT GIVE UP! It’s hard at first, but it does get easier! Pump and store (if possible) save the stored milk for growth spurts and cluster feedings so you won’t be so overwhelmed (which is easy to do) Even on the hard days , you got this mama!”
MEGAN-
Megan and Adam Linville welcomed their son Noah at home on August 20th at 10:46pm. He weighed in at 10 lbs. 11 oz. and was 23 inches long. Her husband, 2 daughters, mother and mother in law all attended the birth. Her Labor lasted almost 30 hours and she was very excited the whole time, almost a euphoric feeling. With her second child, they went to the jumping place before her planned c section so they went to the same place this time. She went into labor later that night with her water breaking. They named him Noah because it was a name she had always liked and her husband had agreed on it.
Megan chose to have a home birth and said it was the best experience, especially after a previous planned c section. The hardest part was how long it took her to progress naturally and the fear of the outcome. Advice she would give herself if she could back is, “Just breathe; it’s all going to work out exactly how it needs too.”Her favorite memory for the day of Noah’s birth was, “seeing the look on my parent’s faces and my kids’ faces of how big he was and how handsome he was, too.” Her first thought upon seeing Noah was that he looked just like Lola (her oldest daughter) and that his head was shaped like a beluga whale. Her husband’s reaction was that he looked like a little whale and he was so handsome. The first thing she noticed was his chubby cheeks.
Adam and Megan have 2 other children together. Lola, their oldest, is a little mommy to her baby brother and loves holding and rocking him. Their second daughter tends to keep her distance but loves having “baby rudder” here.
Now that her rainbow is here, he has helped her in many ways more than just her miscarriage. With her middle daughter, a lot of medical decisions were made for her and Noah has helped her heal not only from the miscarriage but from the unknown.Her favorite things about Noah are his little checks and his personality and how relaxed he is. His favorite things are eating and cuddling.
Her advice to other mothers is “Your journey is exactly that, yours. Take time to enjoy your pregnancy and try and embrace the unknown possibilities. Everyone will tell you what to do and what not to do but ultimately it’s up to you and you matte
BETSY-
Betsy and Tyler Franklin welcomed their rainbow baby Colton Franklin on July 2, 2019. He was born at approximately 9:29pm. He weighed 9lbs and was 21 inches long.
Her birth story goes like this, ”I was hot and miserable! I was 1 cm for 2 weeks and at 38w5d they said they thought he was going to be too big if we let him keep cooking so at 39w1d we induced. It was a long process and that Tuesday was rough so that night we decided a C-section was the best route since his heart rate wasn’t thriving as it should.Colton weighs around 13lbs 6 oz and is 23.25 inches long at around 2 months old. Betsy's labor was 2 days long with the induction. At first, she had butterflies and then she felt impatient. She wanted to meet him right then. His full name is Jeffrey Colton. Jeffrey after his dad but he and his dad go by their middle names.
Her favorite memory was when he got his bath. She said he didn’t like it up until she was washing his hair and then he acted like he was in heaven. She is a hairdresser so it "tickled her" for him to react like that.
The first thing she thought when she saw him was "I love you." The first thing hubby did was count his fingers and toes. The first thing she noticed was his chubby cheeks. Her favorite thing about her rainbow is "he loves bath time! But that water better be hot! 99.9. We put on music and he ‘dances’ to it. Bobs his head side to side and bounces his shoulder."
Betsy says the hardest part of labor for her was that “I was nervous when the nurses kept coming in to move me from side to side and telling me not to move. When the doctor told me about the heart rate and how it wasn’t an emergency but it could go that way the only thing I could think was how I get him out before it’s an emergency. "If she could go back and give herself advice to prepare for labor, it would be to just wait it out. She said next time she won’t induce unless there is a problem.
When asked what advice Betsy would want to share for other rainbow moms, she said, "My advice for people who are pregnant after a loss is to acknowledge the loss and the pain, even guilt, but to remember this is a different pregnancy, journey, and baby. It will not be the same as before. It’s ok to bond and be excited early before you’re out of the “safety window”.
er rainbow has helped her through the storm because, "When I think about having more children I think about them, what they will look like what they will be like, and not pregnancy or getting pregnant. I know I can do it and previous problems weren’t because of me or anything I did. If I didn’t have a miscarriage I wouldn’t have my son. "
ALLANA-
ALLANA-
Allana welcomed her daughter Gracelynn Nicole on June 20th, 2019 at 4:46 pm. She weighed 7.8 lbs and was 20 inches long. Gracelynn’s grandmothers and aunt all attended the birth.
Allana had a stressful end to her pregnancy and she tells it here, "The last few weeks of my pregnancy were stressful. My contractions were 4-5 minutes apart for 2 weeks straight. I was 3 cm dilated for those 2 weeks but not making any cervical change. After going to labor and delivery every day for 2 weeks on June 19th, my contractions finally were 2 minutes apart and the hospital said I was in active labor. My doctor came in at 7 am on June 20th, and proceeded to tell me that this would be the day I had my baby. She checked my cervix and I was 6 cm dilated. They came in at 12 that afternoon and broke my water. I planned on having a natural birth but the contractions were a lot for me to handle. I asked for the epidural, got one and it did not take. A half hour after the first attempt they gave me another epidural and it took. My body finally started relaxing and 3 hours later, my rainbow baby was here!" 
At 2.5 months old Gracelynn weighed 11 lbs 4 oz. Allana was in active labor for about 4 hours. Looking back, she says she “was very excited but nervous at the same time. I didn’t know what to expect and couldn’t believe my rainbow baby was finally going to be here." Gracelynn got her name because "if it wasn’t by “grace” itself, I would have never been able to carry my sweet girl." Her favorite memory was seeing her daughter for the first time and thinking about how beautiful she was. Her first thought was "dang she has a lot of hair. The heartburn was worth it." The father’s response was that she was the most beautiful girl he had ever seen. The first thing she noticed was also the full head of hairThe hardest part of labor was the fear of the unknown. Not knowing if she would be okay. If she could go back and give herself advice, she would tell herself to take a deep breath and not worry.
The advice she would like to share with others is, "I would like others to know that there is always a rainbow after a storm. No matter when and where."
Allana says that her rainbow has helped her through the storm because “My daughter motivates me every day to be a better person and there is no such thing as a bad day. Every time I see her or even think of her, she definitely makes me fall in love all over again." Her favorite things about Gracelynn are her sideways smile, the way she rolls her eyes and the serious face she looks at people with.
AMBER-
Amber and Lance Smith welcomed their handsome rainbow son Sawyer on June 29, 2019. Proud sister Dani Kate was also excited to meet her new little brother. He was born at 5:29 AM, weighing 8 lbs 13 oz. and was 22 inches long. Lance (hubby) attended the birth.
Her birth story goes look this, “The last few weeks of my pregnancy was just a waiting game. My husband was sure he was going to be born early and because my daughter was 2 weeks early, every day after week 38 felt like an eternity! With that being said, I knew, from the time they told us our due date, that this little guy wasn't going to make it to 40 weeks, but he also wasn't going to come super early. I knew, without a shadow of a doubt that he was going to be born on June 29th because that is my wedding anniversary!
Sure enough, on June 28th my husband requested that we go to Texas Roadhouse for dinner. Around 5 pm I started to feel off. I wasn't sure what it was but the best I can describe it, it felt sort of like indigestion. I wasn't super hungry at dinner and felt crummy the whole time. We came home and did our normal nightly routine with our daughter and I went to bed. Around 1:30 am I woke up to go to the bathroom (no surprise here...9 months pregnant=having to pee ALL. THE. TIME!). I noticed that my stomach would get really tight every now and then. Nothing painful though so I went back to bed thinking it was Braxton Hicks. However, within 5 - 10 minutes of lying there, I felt like the tightening was happening more frequently.
By 1:50 am, the tightening that wasn't painful at all started to hurt more and more so I started timing. I called the hospital around 2 to verify how close contractions needed to be before heading that way (my water broke with my daughter and had 0 contractions until I got to the hospital so this was a different experience). My midwife said to wait until they were less than 3 minutes apart. At that point, they were 2 minutes apart! I woke my husband up, called my mom and finished packing my toiletries for the hospital...Sawyer was on his way! My mom got to my house around 2:45 to stay with my daughter and off we went. By this time my contractions were even stronger and closer together. My husband and I arrived just after 3 am. We checked in and were told there weren't any rooms available (what?!?!)! Meanwhile, the contractions continued to get stronger. We sat in the waiting room for what seemed like an eternity but were actually 45 minutes before they sent us back to triage and then we waited in there for a bit before we got started with everything. They finally hooked me up to the monitor, checked my vitals and checked for dilation. The nurse wasn't sure that she felt a head so she called my midwife in to do her own exam. The midwife checked and said she wanted to get a sonogram machine in there to double-check that he was in the correct position. After checking twice with the machine, it was determined that little man was breech and I was going to need a c section. This whole process seemed to take another eternity and at this point, my contractions were pretty darn strong and close together. Finally, they wheeled me back to the OR and within 30 minutes my precious boy was here! He was born at 5:29 am weighing 8 lbs. 13 oz. The doctor said that Sawyer's booty was so far in the birth canal that if I had waited too much longer, my body was going to try to push him out. Shout out to Dr. Bryant, Mary Lee (midwife), and Nurse Nik for their patience and excellent care throughout the entire process!”
Sawyer is currently around 3 months old and at his last checkup weighed 13 lbs. She said labor from the time she woke up to birth was about 4 hours but from the time she started feeling “off” to birth was closer to 12.5 hours. She was super excited and couldn’t wait to hold her boy.
Amber chose to have her baby in the hospital. She is a worrier and thought about worst case scenarios and wanted doctors/nurses to be close by in case of emergency. She also wanted an epidural which you can’t get with a home birth. Her doctors and nurses were great and helped her stay calm during the whole process. Amber has two favorite memories from Sawyer’s birth: holding her sweet boy for the first time and introducing him to his big sister! Her first thought was “he’s here!” Her second thought was he was a funny color and wasn’t crying and it felt like forever until she heard him cry but it was really only a few seconds. Her husband’s first thought was to tell her that Sawyer was there and she could tell he was happy and smiling from the look in his eyes. The first thing she noticed was the head full of dark hair just like his mama had when she was born. His sister also had the same dark hair. He was also a chunky little thing.
Her daughter is 4 and absolutely loves being a big sister. Amber reports that “She loves to help take care of her brother. She loves to show him off to everyone she comes in contact with saying ‘I'm a big sister!’ I joke and say she's like a mama monkey. She's always picking things off him. For instance, if he has lint or fuzz in between his fingers or toes she can't stand it. She has to get it out! Her favorite thing to do is to make him laugh. She was the first person he gave a social smile to and she is adamant that 'sissy' will be his first word!”
She said “The hardest part was just waiting to be admitted. I didn't really have any fear or anxiety until after he was born. The first time I saw him (seconds after he was born), he was a little blue and he wasn't crying and that freaked me out. But as soon as they got him to the table/OR bassinet he started crying and checked out ok with all of his newborn screenings.
Amber chose to have her baby in the hospital. She is a worrier and thought about worst case scenarios and wanted doctors/nurses to be close by in case of emergency. She also wanted an epidural which you can’t get with a home birth. Her doctors and nurses were great and helped her stay calm during the whole process. Amber has two favorite memories from Sawyer’s birth: holding her sweet boy for the first time and introducing him to his big sister! Her first thought was “he’s here!” Her second thought was he was a funny color and wasn’t crying and it felt like forever until she heard him cry but it was really only a few seconds. Her husband’s first thought was to tell her that Sawyer was there and she could tell he was happy and smiling from the look in his eyes. The first thing she noticed was the head full of dark hair just like his mama had when she was born. His sister also had the same dark hair. He was also a chunky little thing.
Her daughter is 4 and absolutely loves being a big sister. Amber reports that “She loves to help take care of her brother. She loves to show him off to everyone she comes in contact with saying ‘I'm a big sister!’ I joke and say she's like a mama monkey. She's always picking things off him. For instance, if he has lint or fuzz in between his fingers or toes she can't stand it. She has to get it out! Her favorite thing to do is to make him laugh. She was the first person he gave a social smile to and she is adamant that 'sissy' will be his first word!”
She said “The hardest part was just waiting to be admitted. I didn't really have any fear or anxiety until after he was born. The first time I saw him (seconds after he was born), he was a little blue and he wasn't crying and that freaked me out. But as soon as they got him to the table/OR bassinet he started crying and checked out ok with all of his newborn screenings.
Her advice to her past self would be “In the weeks that felt like they were dragging I'd just tell myself to relax because your mama intuition is correct! Also, buy that expensive post-partum robe you have be looking at...you'll be glad you did! ;)”
Her advice to others going through a similar journey is: “Pregnancy after loss is full of worry. The easiest thing to say would be to relax because everything will be ok. That is so much easier said than done. Even though most of my pregnancy went by without any complications or red flags I constantly worried. I worried every time I had a weird or different feeling than my first pregnancy. I worried when they told me he had cysts on his brain at 18wks (everything is fine now, the cysts dissolved). I worried until I started to feel him move and then I worried if I didn't feel him enough. My only piece of advice is Proverbs 3:5 "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding." This is my life verse and it especially helped me throughout my pregnancy.”
Her advice to others going through a similar journey is: “Pregnancy after loss is full of worry. The easiest thing to say would be to relax because everything will be ok. That is so much easier said than done. Even though most of my pregnancy went by without any complications or red flags I constantly worried. I worried every time I had a weird or different feeling than my first pregnancy. I worried when they told me he had cysts on his brain at 18wks (everything is fine now, the cysts dissolved). I worried until I started to feel him move and then I worried if I didn't feel him enough. My only piece of advice is Proverbs 3:5 "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding." This is my life verse and it especially helped me throughout my pregnancy.”
When asked how her rainbow has helped through her storm she said, “I will always and forever think of my angel baby. No matter how difficult going through a miscarriage was, I am comforted in knowing that s/he is in the arms of our Savior. I am thankful that God blessed me with Sawyer. He is an answer to many, many, many prayers. I don't know that I'd say that he has helped me through my storm as much as I'd say that he has strengthened my faith.”
Her favorite things about Sawyer are his cute smile, watching him laugh at his sister or anyone else just to see his smile, how snuggly he is. She also said that her absolute favorite thing was when “I catch him looking up at me with his beautiful eyes and a smile because he knows that I am his person.”
Her favorite things about Sawyer are his cute smile, watching him laugh at his sister or anyone else just to see his smile, how snuggly he is. She also said that her absolute favorite thing was when “I catch him looking up at me with his beautiful eyes and a smile because he knows that I am his person.”
Seven amazing ladies, all experienced the amazing and healing birth of their rainbow babies and are here to help spread awareness of pregnancy/infant loss and show support to those going through the same journey. They each experienced loss in a different way. One had multiple losses over time and another experienced multiple losses all at once. They are all different ages with different relationships, some with kids, some without. It doesn’t matter the background of those who experience loss, the fact is that they experienced a loss and others need to realize that it’s not something that you can easily get over.
It has been 3 years since I lost my sweet Jonathan at 20 weeks old and it hurts every day. Some days are worse than others. Sometimes I feel him close and others it feels like he is super far away. As the mother of an angel baby, if you know someone who is experiencing or has experienced infant/pregnancy loss, please be there for them. Don’t be the one that says “it was meant to be,’ or “you will have another chance later,” or “worry about your other children.” Be the one that helps celebrate the life of that little one and recognizes that there are more than the visible children in the family. Ask how they are doing. Be a listening ear and a warm heart. That is what we need. Thank you.
CREDIT:
Susanna Miller for the amazing rainbow wraps and hats
Brittany Rogers with Bows before bros for the hair bows and bow ties
Still Family Farm for donating time in their Zinnia field for this documentary
Angela with Heaven's Paintbrush for the video part of the documentary (Coming soon)
Sariah with Reflections by Luna for the photo part of the documentary.
Sky Simone for the Mommy and me Photos of Sariah and her Rainbow
It has been 3 years since I lost my sweet Jonathan at 20 weeks old and it hurts every day. Some days are worse than others. Sometimes I feel him close and others it feels like he is super far away. As the mother of an angel baby, if you know someone who is experiencing or has experienced infant/pregnancy loss, please be there for them. Don’t be the one that says “it was meant to be,’ or “you will have another chance later,” or “worry about your other children.” Be the one that helps celebrate the life of that little one and recognizes that there are more than the visible children in the family. Ask how they are doing. Be a listening ear and a warm heart. That is what we need. Thank you.
CREDIT:
Susanna Miller for the amazing rainbow wraps and hats
Brittany Rogers with Bows before bros for the hair bows and bow ties
Still Family Farm for donating time in their Zinnia field for this documentary
Angela with Heaven's Paintbrush for the video part of the documentary (Coming soon)
Sariah with Reflections by Luna for the photo part of the documentary.
Sky Simone for the Mommy and me Photos of Sariah and her Rainbow
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